Parenting & Success

Happy Sunday Friends!

Twelve years ago, while in my MBA program, there was a guest speaker who was sharing professional wisdom. He was wealthy, having made his bones in real estate. As he sat with his wife in front of the classroom, he started taking questions from the audience. A classmate of mine, who had a wife and 3 young kids at the time, asked the speaker advice on building a successful business while still being able to spend time with his family. I'll never forget what the speaker said. He responds, "It beats me..." and then points to his wife and says "...she's my third wife!" 😂😂😂. 

After we all shared a good laugh, he said something profound: "If you ignore your family, you might build a successful business in 3 years, but if you give them the time they deserve, it might take you 7 years. Choose your priorities and go from there."

Today, we live in an information age where everyone has access to a platform. Therefore, advice is cheap and it's not always good. On social media, you will hear many self-declared "gurus" highlight their productive routines that has allowed them to earn millions of dollars (supposedly 🙄). Among the many issues I have with their advice is the fact that most of them don't have kids.

So, whether you are a parent, or plan to be one in the future, let's dive into the truth of what it takes to build a business or professional career while being a parent.

Time Is A Cruel Mistress

Waking up at 4 AM to start your day is a reality for many new parents, but it's not so that they can mediate, take an ice plunge or do some other mindful "guru-suggested" exercise. It's usually because the young child has woken up and needs tending to. In fact, a parent's time is solely based around their child for the first 7-10 years. That means, personal time becomes secondary. Therefore, parents will have inconsistent routines for exercising, social life, self-development and entertainment.

There are countless stories of parents who have put their career on hold to raise a child. What do you think that means? Career building requires a lot of time, and if a parent doesn't have the resources for childcare, then a professional sacrifice becomes the only option. The same goes for entrepreneurs, who usually wear all the hats to run their business - something that takes a tremendous amount of time. I remember driving my daughters to and from daycare when they were young so that my wife can work at her corporate job (and I can work on my business). My drive to and from daycare was 40 minutes which was done twice a day. I would lose 80 minutes of my day just on driving. Once I brought them home, I was the primary caretaker (feeding, bathing and playing with them) until my wife got back from work so that I can spend time on my business until the late hours of the night.

In sum, ignore the loud voices that tell you that you must be regimented and disciplined with your time and productivity in order to be successful. When you have little humans that rely on you to ensure they are fed, nurtured, educated and kept safe, time is a luxury, and it belongs to your kids.

Energy Reserves

In an ideal world, we would all be exercising 5 times a week, making healthy green juice every morning, reading 1-2 books a month, having date night once a week with our significant others, vacationing 2-3 times a year, enjoying social experiences, all while putting in the maximum time and effort in our professional success. But we don't live in an ideal world, we live in the real world. Parents are still human and that means there is only so much energy they have in a given day. Raising kids is exhausting and just like "time", sacrifices must be made on where to prioritize energy.

One of the hardest things that most professionals struggle with is staying focused because it requires a steady state of mental energy. When a parent is running on fumes, being able to kickstart their mind or find the motivation to work is extremely difficult. Therefore, do not feel guilty when you hear the "guru-clowns 🤡" tell you that you are failing because you aren't doing enough. You are doing more then they realize because you are putting your energy towards what matters, i.e. your child!

Invest In Yourself or Your Child?

In my industry (professional development), I'll often hear self-help coaches say "Don't look at my program as a cost, but rather an investment in your future self". In theory, it's not wrong. What I don't like is that it's used as a sales tactic. What non-parent "guru mouth-breathers 😮‍💨" don't understand is that parents put a lot of money towards their kids. A new parent can spend $25,000 to $50,000 a year per child on childcare. As the kids grow up, so do the number of activities they are in, whether it's sports, academic or the arts. Don't forget, there are college funds, birthday parties, vacations, and the list goes on.

While I'm a believer in investing in yourself, once again, it comes down to priorities. Parents should invest in themselves, but the window of time for that is not as wide or prevalent as non-parents. In other words, give yourself grace on where you put your hard-earned money.

Having Kids Is A Privilege

Up to this point, you may be asking yourself, "Why would anyone want kids?". Don't let the detours and changes you must make in your life deter you from having children. When my two daughters came into this world, it profoundly changed me. I became much more patient, empathetic and grounded. I realized what truly matters in life, and that's a perspective most people in this world need. Kids open doors to experiences that I never thought I would be a part of. Kids are magnets to growing a parent's social circle, and therefore making new friends. Kids bring so much joy, laughter and love into a family. To this day, I love hearing my kid's laughter, while I'm in another room - just knowing they are happy. In fact, if I'm tired and taking a nap, I love being interrupted by the noise they make around the house - because a quiet house is a lonely house.

I recognize that there are a lot of people who want kids, but are unable to have them. I also recognize there are a lot of people who neglect their children and shouldn't have had kids in the first place. However, for those that do have kids, but also have professional aspirations, do not pay any attention to the "guru idiots 🤪" who make you feel guilty for not doing things the way they did it. There is no one way to be successful. When kids come into your life, you may not be able to take the risks or swings required for professional homeruns, however it doesn't mean that you can't do it later in life.

To my fellow parents, pat yourself on the back for the time, energy and investment you have put towards what matters the most: Your KIDS!

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Thought Of The Week

A weekly thought to meditate, ruminate, and/or ponder on:

“The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home.”

- Harold B. Lee