How To Keep Conversations Interesting

I hate awkward silences during a conversation, especially when networking with other professionals.

There are a few reasons for awkward silences and uninteresting conversations:

• First, a conversation is a two-way street. Both have to bring something to the table. Even if you bring your "A" game, without a back-and-forth repartee, the conversation will go nowhere.
• Second, the energy is lacking, either from one or all of the participants. The end result is a monotonous and boring encounter.
• Third, no one is bringing "story starters" to the dialogue. This is the point we will focus on today.

Here's what you need to know to keep a conversation interesting:

1. Bring Something To The Party

When you are invited to a dinner party, do you show up empty handed, or do you arrive with a bottle of wine? The same theory goes for conversations. When you engage with people, don't show up empty handed…be sure to bring something to the party - metaphorically speaking. More on this below.

When you don't bring something to the conversation, you are what I call a "conversation freeloader".

2. Conversation Freeloader

When most of us have a conversation, predominantly in a professional setting, there is an agenda. Whether it's networking for an opportunity, delegating during meetings, deliverable updates with the boss or interviews to land a job or promotion. If these conversations yield you the benefit, then you need to bring something to that conversation. 

A "conversation freeloader" is someone who wants some "thing" out of a conversation, but comes unprepared, and expects the other party to do all the work.

Let's say you are at a networking event by yourself, and you don't know anyone there. You muster up the courage to speak to another person, also standing alone. The "conversation freeloader" approach would go like this:

"Hi, I'm Rushab, what's your name?"

And after the individual replies with their name, the general flow of the conversation dialogue will usually go like this:

 "What brings you here?"

 "What do you do?"

 "How long have you done XYZ?

This generic and boring conversation will have multiple moments of awkward silence.

Now, what if you added an element of intrigue to your questions? I call that "story starters". 

3. Story Starters

A "story starter" triggers curiosity, emotion and intrigue.

Let me demonstrate how a "story starter" can spark a conversation by using the example above of approaching another individual at a networking event:

"Hi there, I hope you don't mind me introducing myself. I'm trying to make this networking event a much better experience than the last one I attended, which was a nightmare. My name is Rushab, what's your name?"

Chances are, the individual will ask you about why the last event was such a nightmare after they introduce themselves. The great thing about a "story starter" is that you will be in storytelling-mode right from the start. Stories are what break the ice and build rapport.

It's important to note that you don't need to bring a "story starter" to every question or comment you make. That being said, you should have several prepared and be sure to test what works and what to throw away.

4. One-Way Street Paradox

As I mentioned before, conversations are a two-way street. Don't be discouraged or disappointed if the other party doesn't reciprocate. Sometimes, it's not you. You can only control how you approach a conversation. The more you practice "story starters", the better you will get at knowing what works and recognizing the type of person it will work on.

Parting Words

The ability to effectively engage, entertain, and hold a conversation is a skill that should be taken very seriously. Our words have so much value and power. They can open doors, incite emotions, motivate people, resolve conflicts, and change the world.

If you are intentionally starting a conversation with someone, be sure to come prepared. Don't wing it or expect the other party to keep the conversation alive.

If you are interested in improving your communication and being able to hold interesting conversations, schedule a call with me or learn more about communication coaching here.

Thought Of The Week

A weekly thought to meditate, ruminate, and/or ponder on:

What Holds Me Back?